Who Is In-charge Of Your Self-worth?
We often enjoy the companionship of certain people as it makes us feel better about ourselves. With such people we are comfortable in our own skin, as we do not sense judgement or inferiority. On the other hand, we may avoid certain people as they diminish our confidence and make us conscious of who and how we are. It is only natural to feel this and have such experiences and we can relate to this.
Self-worth is a much-talked-about phenomenon. This article will explore what self-worth means? According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, self-worth ‘is a sense of one’s own value as a human being.’
Who and what determines the value we give to ourselves?
For example, do we value ourselves by the grades we receive in school or by the group of friends that we are associated with? Or is it the position we hold in our career or by how much wealth we have?
When our self-worth is primarily dependent on external factors, it is bound to be volatile. For we are judging based on extraordinarily unknown and subjective parameters.
We live in a society that values popularity, numbers, and figures. While these help in calculating the impact of the work done, it has a severe flip side too.
For example, if somebody wishes to hold a seminar to share their knowledge on an important subject and only 25 people show up of an expected 200, would the speaker feel disappointed? Most likely they would, and this may shake their self-worth. On the other hand, if 500 people show up, would this increase their self-worth?
Self-worth questions our whole identity. If our worth is dependent on achieving external factors, such as the outcome of audience in the seminar, our self-worth will be like British weather, unpredictable! Hoping for the sun to shine and talking about it to others, yet quite often feeling disappointed.
The trouble is that the society we live in has spread this notion that our happiness and self-worth is dependent on statistics. If I top my class, and it makes me feel that I am respected and admirable and that is my reason for achieving the highest marks, then my self-worth will fluctuate based on my results. The moment I fail to top my class, I create a scenario within myself were I feel I have lost the respect and admiration from others, in simple, I have lost part of my self-worth. Problem is not with being ambitious and result driven. The problem is the attachment to that goal. We should strive for top marks as this in an independent variable based on our efforts – not the route for the validation of others. If we can be happy and feel good about ourselves irrespective of the outcome, then our self-worth is internally fuelled. We develop and function through inner confidence and empowerment.
If our goal is to please others and seek their approval, we are not living our lives on our terms. Our life and self-worth rely on others finding us worthy. We become puppets in others’ hands and move as per their directions.
To determine our self-worth, we need to create our vision board with our long-term goals in all aspects of our life. It is essential to know our dreams and the reason for having those dreams. These reasons must match with what kind of life we are looking to live and stay focussed on the bigger picture, not to be swayed by the way we want others to view us. Then we not only become more aware of what we want from our life, but also take responsibility for our self-worth.
When our self-worth comes from ourselves, no other person can tamper with it.
