Demonetisation Dotcom

OK, so the topic of the day is obviously demonetisation.

Everyone has been affected. Everyone has a view. Apparently the PM’s app tells him 90 per cent of the people think it’s a good thing. But there were queues after queues. People were starving. People were helpless. Lives were being lost. By the time you read this I hope things will be better.

While as a move I support it — a bold swift stroke to start bringing an end to black money — I really have only one question. Who the hell plans logistics in our country? I’m guessing that our PM knows logistics well — he upturned the largest democracy on earth and won an election — only a crack team could have helped him accomplish that.

But who were the jokers who told him they had this under control? The task was finite and clear – over 80 per cent of the currency was going to be flushed out like a blood transfusion.

Somebody had to be in charge of this. It was this person or persons who gave their action plan to the PM. They got the go-ahead and then went and messed it up. Big time.

Anyway — moving on.

Where exactly does the startup world and the demonetisation world meet? We saw an example of it in bookmychotu.com where you could ‘book’ (presumably a little fellow) to stand in the ATM line for you. Superb. But there’s much more to come. A sampling of some innovative ideas.

Friendreque$t.com: We all know
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what a friend request means, or do we? Notice the $ in the request. So basically this is a ‘friend’ asking you if you will deposit Rs 2.5 lakh in your bank account for them. There are lots of such reque$ts going around nowadays. However I know someone who has both her and her daughter’s account ‘available’ but also has a reque$t back — how much will you give me my friend? It’s reached 20 per cent, but she’s pretty sure that the closer to the end date the more she will get!

Tindermyaccount.com: When you can’t find friends then you have to turn to compatible strangers. What better format than Tinder? So in this App you set a radius of 5 km and enter as a blacker or a whiter. A blacker is one who wants to deposit and a whiter is the depositer. Easy!

Stuffmystaff.com: What does a Karol Bagh silver gift manufacturer with 40 employees mean? Easy. It means Rs 1 crore legal black money. And that’s what this site helps you do. Since you don’t pay your employees much anyway they don’t need to deposit a buck under their Rs 2.5 lakh allowance, and you can use all their ‘allowances.’

Feedmyfactory.com: These are the big fish. They have 2,000 employees, so you can guess what they can do? That’s right, we are talking Rs 50 crore here. One factory owner in Gujarat took it a step further and actually ‘paid’ his employees one year’s salary…in advance…in cash!

Excusemeplease.com: Many years back when I was in school in Mayo College I often used to get late for morning exercise. However I got so good at inventing excuses (sir, the water finished in the middle of my bath and I had to wash my eyes at the drinking water fountain) — the monitor would just shake his head and excuse me.

It’s the same — after all the antics listed above people are going to have to come up with some very good excuses when the taxmen come calling. That’s what excusemeplease.com is meant for. It has an algorithm that can generate 100,000 excuses for any given situation. All the best everyone.