<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><root available-locales="en_US," default-locale="en_US"><static-content language-id="en_US"><![CDATA[<p>T<em>ruly, one may gain by losing and one may lose by gaining' — Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching.</em><br><br>Catching up with an old colleague and good friend the other day, we were exchanging news of our other ex-colleagues. "I do not know of too many people," he said, "who have left and done really well." Elaborating, he said he only considered those who had left and moved to a "higher role/assignment" as successful. Those who started another company fell in the twilight zone and those who left to chase other dreams clearly were not in the running. That conversation set me thinking about my own judgement of people's success.<br><br>What is success or failure? Why is there a standard definition for success that consists of a good education, a good job, getting promoted, managing a large team, having power, being married, having children who then go to good schools, having a house, a car, a few servants, visiting exotic places, being featured in one's trade publications or conferences, being recognised? Is failure the lack of one or more of these ingredients, or is it something non-standard like ‘chasing my dream' or ‘helping others chase theirs'? Why is there no place for inner achievement or contentment in success? Is life's purpose to win all the time and at all costs?<br><br>Anirbaan Chowdary's definition of success is certainly standard. Yet, twice he has had to face what he defines as failure, but cannot think through either event. How often the universe conspires to give us these pauses in life, to reflect on our own foibles, habits, attitudes and skills. The wise believe that all situations manifest for us to learn to be better human beings. There are no coincidences. <br><br>We seldom pause when we feel successful. But when failure rears its head, we often soul-search and, therefore, get a chance to gain from the experience. Steve Jobs famously said that the best thing that happened to him was being fired from Apple, a company he co-founded. <br><br>In my experience, the key issues that need tackling are inside us. Often, a person like Raghav Kashyap comes along to give us a much-needed perspective on what we need to change in a stubborn mindset. Arriving at and concentrating on the actions should be a result of these reflections.<br><br><strong>Taking responsibility:</strong> Blaming the world, the environment, everything else but oneself will not get us far in resolving a crisis. The victim script — "Everyone else is responsible for my being in this situation" — is the obstacle that prevents us from examining our own role in the event, and objectively understanding our contribution. What were my thoughts and actions that led to this? What am I not learning?<br><br>"In speaking, know how to keep your words. In making a move, know how to choose the right moment." — Lao Tzu, <em>Tao Te Ching.</em><br><br>One has to ask why Anirbaan chose confrontation? Why did he think someone who had so much to lose would, without a murmur, confess and change? What were his thoughts and actions that created the situation? What skills did he lack that prevented a more constructive outcome? What alternate process could he have followed? Did he have the desired EQ to understand when to move forward and when to step back and choose another route?<br><br><strong>Examining our stance:</strong> "Learn to unlearn one's learning." — Lao Tzu, <em>Tao Te Ching.</em><br><br>Sometimes we have to let go and explore the unconventional, as Som did to get to where he wanted. Arthur, too, re-tooled and re-skilled himself, while the more standard formula worked for his wife. <br><br>Like Aparna did in Anay and Sakhi's context, Anirbaan, too, sees the world through one set of lenses. Unlike Sakhi or Cyrus, he has not made peace with what he wants and what he has.<br><br>Why does Anirbaan see himself as being successful in only one particular way? And if that is the path he loves, what does he lack to be successful in it? Are there some habits that he needs to change? No matter what the choice — a standard one like Anirbaan's son or an unconventional one like Anay — we have to learn to constantly better our craft. Acknowledging our own gaps, while difficult, is an important step to arriving at remedial actions.<br><br><strong>Getting the big picture:</strong> "In fact, for all things there is a time for going ahead and a time for following behind" — Lao Tzu, <em>Tao Te Ching.</em><br><br>What, ultimately, is the purpose of life? It certainly is not one event. If life is a marathon, everything that helps us grow is valuable. There will be errors of judgement. Putting them in the context of the big picture and learning those lessons can help us dust ourselves and emerge stronger for it. <br><br>There may be small battles that we win or lose. Ultimately, real success is when we continue to learn and grow from everything we experience. Real failure is only when we stop growing.<br><br><em>Suma Subramanian is a strategic advisor with over 19 years of HR exposure through corporate leadership roles and consultancy assignments</em><br><br>(This story was published in Businessworld Issue Dated 21-11-2011)</p>