BW Communities

Why me? A Journey From ‘Victim’ To ‘Take Charge’ Mindset

Manbir Kaur Jan 29, 2019

I have been working with multiple leaders and professionals for a few years now. Most of the time I am working with them on challenges like delegation, taking their teams together, culture transformation, creating pipeline etc. While working with them on these assignments, many times situations have come when people say –

Why me?
Why am I in this situation?
Why does it happen to me?
Why only I suffer?

While most people realize later that question does not help them, the thought ‘Why me’ could arise because of many reasons related to our mind-set, attitude, beliefs etc. However, I believe that to take the best course of action, we should first avoid focussing on ‘Why me?’.

Why you should avoid focussing on “Why me?”

Drama Quotient: This question only dramatizes the situation, it is not going to change anything for you. It will not solve any purpose except giving you a feeling that yes, you are a victim.
Sympathy Mileage: It may create sympathy for some time. You may tend to like that sympathy too but believe me people do not consider it your strength. They will eventually expect you to come out of it and step up.
The current problem may not be about “You”: ‘Why me’ puts the focus on you and you feel bad about yourself. Situations can happen, but you may not be the cause. So free yourself from this blame and you have a choice to do it, change the focus and get on with resolution process.
Creates a negative mind pattern: This thought creates a negative mind-pattern and may become an infinite loop. The more you do it, the more it will occur in your life.
Hinders productivity: Certainly, it slows you down, brings down your productivity. You will not be able to access the best in you to overcome the problem you are most definitely in.
Blurs Vision: It also takes your attention way from your goals and path and blurs your vision. The haziness of the situation, slows down on your speed or actions.
Effects relationship: And most importantly, it has a very negative impact on your relationships. People sense negativity around you and tend to avoid you.

What can you do?

Here are a few pointers to help you let go of this feeling and get on with Action-

Accept the situation, but do not dwell on it.
Focus on the future that you want to create.
Make an action plan of what you want and take tangible actions each day.
Review your actions frequently.
Ask for help if you feel so.
An Independent perspective from a mentor or a coach can help.
Do meditate each day.
Whenever possible, express gratitude.

It is important to take charge of the situation. Taking charge starts from the thoughts and leads to action. You can always take action and change your own situation.