What Is Your Phone Life Balance?
Technoference is becoming one of the leading causes of relationship strife. Mind you this is not limited to the romantic equation alone, it encompasses all relationships across the board. Romantic, professional, social and parental.
Technoference is the interference of technology in relationships, which have massive implications for personal and relational well-being.
A typical scenario playing out at 8 o'clock in the evening, post a long day at work. A whining, sulking and restless child yanking at his or her mother or father's pyjamas to get their attention.
Parent distracted, device in hand retorts in an irritated fashion, “What is it?”
According to research, parents use of technology affects children’s behavior and could be associated with a greater incidence of poor behavior on the part of kids.
Most of us are guilty of “absent presence” when using tech around others.
The pity is that at some level we are fraught with guilt, especially when it comes to our level of technological distraction around our children because it makes us feel less effective in our parenting.
Technology has stealthed its way into our romantic relationships too.
Ask yourself if you feel neglected when your partner is on their phone? Does your time together get disrupted by texts, emails, or games? Or has your partner ever expressed distress over your divided attention?
“Cell phone attachment is positively related to an increase in stress and anxiety and even depression,” says James A. Roberts, a professor of marketing at Baylor University Hankamer School of Business.
In a 2012 paper, Roberts coined the word “phub,” a mash-up of phone and snub. Phubbing occurs when someone chooses to play with an app, text or take a phone call instead of paying attention to a person.
“Essentially, what we are saying is that you don’t matter,” he says, “It touches at our core.”
The party on the receiving end, friend, child or lover is likely to experience these moments as rejections that can literally impact their psychological health.
A sense of rejection pervades such interactions and with time erodes the quality of the relationship, a drop in life satisfaction and an increase in symptoms of depression.
When a conversation, meal, or romantic moment is disrupted because of a text, email, or any other task, the message is, “What I’m doing on my phone is more important than you right now,” or, “I’m more interested in my phone than in you,” or, in some cases, “you’re not worthy of my attention.”
Even mini-rejections can elicit the common reactions rejections cause—hurt feelings, a drop in mood and self-esteem and a surge of anger and resentment. Over time, these small wounds can fester and increase conflict, lower relationship satisfaction.
Ways to deal with technoference
1. Employ mindfulness when employing the use of phone and other technology
2. Create strategies to keep yourself “present” with your children-Set up technology free time zones during the evening. Make a pact to look up from your device the moment a family member walks in and disengage in usage
3. Ask yourself the following question every time you pull your phone out while in the company: Can this wait until later? If the answer is yes, then practice re-engaging with the company at hand instead of pulling out the device.
4. Allow the aggrieved party to express their feelings: Follow these steps to remedy the issue:
To establish and maintain healthy relationships it is imperative to be present and be cognizant of your actions.
Most importantly constantly ask your self- "Who owns whom? Do you own that device, or does it own you?"
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