<p>The Great Truth of a rat's life is that it wants to be a cat. A twice-born rat (like this writer) is intuitively aware of it and plans to just curl up and purr. But lesser ones miss the plot completely, and mistake the rat race to be the raison d'être. But they can now relax. Here's how you can attain <em>marjara</em> (Sanskrit for cat) nirvana. <br /><br /><strong>Get The Right Attitude</strong><br />Recall Robert Half's (founder of Robert Half International, the employment agency) gold standard: "There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working". The blooper most make is that they start to fantasise about chilled out days and nights in exotic places without giving a thought as to how they intend to get there. The 30s is when you start to think about retirement: college is a distant memory. You have three decades of working life left. You are married (usually), and have a brat or two to take care of. Time will fly; so too money. Again, it is not just at what age you retire, but at what income. Because once you retire, you will have all the time in the world, and you don't want to spend it counting mere pennies. So start early; long before your boss starts to worry about your retirement.<br /><br />The Chinese caught on to this kernel long ago. The first sign in the Middle Kingdom's 12-animal zodiac cycle is the rat: it stands for hard work and renewal. But sweat alone will not do; don't be fooled by the line it did not kill anybody on the planet. Lord Krishna was bang on when he said all what you see about you is maya, an illusion. Hard work is the biggest of them. Look at the elephant-headed Ganesha whose mount is a rat. The message behind the imagery is if you have a head, use it. <br /><br /><img src="/businessworld/system/files/images/Jan_12/ga_cc_600x172.jpg" style="vertical-align: middle;" width="600" height="172" alt="" /><br /><br />Gene Perret, the comedy writer put it elegantly: "It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese". If you can pull off a con, great. Now you must have heard folks say "always weigh the pros and cons before you do anything". What they mean is you have to be a pro (professional) at your con (job). You can't be squeaky and hope to be a top cat. Face this: money is something you got to make enough of in case you don't die. It follows as a corollary that only God's retirement plan is out of this world. <br /> <br /><strong>Options Galore</strong><br />A good way to laugh all the way to the bank and beyond is to be a heart-stealer. At school, they taught you old is gold. What they did not, was, it can be diamonds and platinum. Respect the old and frail, mollycoddle them. Take them to the nearby park; read newspapers aloud; don't be an idiot — switch on devotional fare on the box. You will be blessed with their kindness. Milk it: get adopted. Then the stuff from the many vaults is yours to blow up or down.<br /><br />break-page-break<br />Put your looks to work. If you are a good looking bachelor (ugly married men should not try this stunt without professional help), freshen up your rich landlady. Take care of her dog. Go with your instincts: a rat's life is close to a dog's. Take her out shopping, pay her bills (with her money). Women like men who are caring. The highly evolved sex does not go by what you do for them, but that you want to do even more. Promise to pluck out stars to coiffeur her hair. If you are an Eve, you are anyway hardwired (correctly) to know that men are all the same: when dead, they don't tell tales. Aim for a privy purse: go for a rich old fogey with one foot in the grave.<br /><br />The adage ‘work is worship' is a good one, but also acquire and polish these skills (a) rat on fellow rats. You want the cat's whiskers after all (b) don't forget, it's okay to be in the sink, but if you ever get that sinking feel, jump ship pronto. And please don't feel guilty about it; think about your future — dead cats bounce, rats — never. And c) while on deck, cherry blossom the big boots; you will be a high-flier of a kiwi. You should always strive to be the mirror image of your boss. You will be seen as one ready for the Big Office; your juniors will buy the inanity "change with continuity and continuity with change".<br /><br /><img src="/businessworld/system/files/images/Jan_12/Garfield_450x213.jpg" style="vertical-align: middle; margin: 10px;" width="450" height="213" alt="" /><br /><br /><img src="/businessworld/system/files/images/Jan_12/calendar_250x184.jpg" style="float: right; margin: 10px;" width="250" height="184" alt="" />If you have the gift of the gab, and can sell yourself well, then the profession to be in is that of a management guru. All you have to do is come across as someone profound and intense. If somebody asks you what's two plus two, counter: "What do you have in mind? Create credibility based on the fact that you are not dumb enough to work for somebody else. You will be seen as a person of "independent" views. Appear on chat shows. Offer an opinion: polls to farming in Mesopotamia. If you are not all that bright, being a hack is worth the while. You can gloat you are a foot soldier of history, mind other people's business and get paid for it. <br /><br />Once you get to be a cat, what do you do? It's okay to say you love to watch the clouds drift by, and listen to the wind rustle leaves. Doing nothing is the most sensible thing to do, but you have to be highly motivated and naturally gifted. Then again, it is not the same as retiring into nothingness. Just because you have nine lives does not mean there are no existential issues. The best way to get away from the hassles of retirement plans is to know what you really like to do in life. You then will not have to work a day in your life. If music is your calling, follow it. Go by Samuel Johnsons's words: It is better to live rich than to die rich. <br /><br />Cheers!<br /><br /><em>Caution: Advice may be injurious to wealth</em><br /><br />(This story was published in Businessworld Issue Dated 23-01-2012)</p>
