BW Communities

My Time, Your Convenience

Meera Seth Jul 22, 2015

“So there’s no such thing as work-life balance. There’s work, and there’s life, and there’s no balance.” — Sheryl Sandberg By Meera Seth Janki Vallabh sat in her car looking devastated. She had been so lost in her world of workshops and training and support and schedules and rearranging and rescheduling and teaching and discussing... even arbitrating... that she had clean missed an SMS that had been coming to her day after day after day. Her batchmate from B-school, Raghu Mani had been struggling with his mother’s ailment and had been messaging her daily in a manner of reaching out. Janki had read them and tried to remember to call but her memory eluded her and she ended up remembering them late. Finally, in two of his recent SMS-es he had mentioned the prayer meeting for his departed mother, asking Janki to be present. “She was your music teacher and she remembered you a lot during her last days...” Janki had not meant for things to come to such a pass. Never, never at all. She was being bounced from wall to wall without a moment to inhale. And being in sessions almost all day she had left her phone with Mercy, her assistant, in case Ma called. And by the end of the day, another 100 SMS-es (of which at least 40-60 would be idiotic offers to lose weight or speak in public fearlessly or buy property at rock bottom prices in Noida or Nellikupam ... these idiotic messages had buried Raghu’s reminders. How was she to face Raghu? Would she tell him, ‘Gosh Raghu, I have been so busy...?’ This was precisely the kind of moment that told her the foolishness of a life like hers. Often, when she dozed off in her car driving interstate, she would surface during her semi-aware state and remember Wilfred Owen ask, ‘Was it for this the clay grew tall?’(‘Futility’) Yet she had been so charged and driven by doing all that her work demanded, work that brought meaning to the lives of so many at Teffer, who wished to get ahead as career people, as functionaries, as managers, as leaders... their needs spurred her into more action, not out of a sense of wanting to glow in their darkness — not at all; but to see them climb out of various states of ‘I cannot’ to ‘Oh, I can do it!’ and in the process, make Teffer a far more efficient place. Someone had once accused her of lacking a life... that maybe there was something missing which she was trying to fill with work... Janki had nodded then and said that it was possible. And it was all right to fill gaps with work you enjoy, and everyone who lacked something should fill the gap with that which fills the gap and not wallow in the empty spot. ...but Janki was devastated that Raghu’s mother, ‘Music maami’ as she was always known, had been ill and then passed away and then she had missed the prayer meeting. She had met Raghu and his wife just now and they had been very affectionate and understanding. Raghu had quit corporate life six years ago to set up a music studio, and in his words, ‘a pony tail and long beard later, without the artifice of an organisation, I am more free and happy...’   She too was. Except her brand of ‘happy’ was different.... As she started to reach out to her various groups in the UK, Europe, US, China, Australia, New Zealand, Africa and the Middle East, she felt she was building good relationships,  and the odd hours of day and night didn’t matter...for performance was improving, people were feeling fuller and happier and line managers were more deeply concerned with the needs of their staff. Janki had a number of self-doubts that rose during moments when she missed a social or family event. She had begun to notice that her day started at 8 a.m. and often ended at 10 p.m., only to resume at 10.30 p.m. again. True, she found no time to connect with friends and family or external networks or even herself... her mother remained her biggest most preoccupation outside work. Yet, she felt aware that she had missed Raghu’s grievance, missed being with her music maami during her last moments. Much as she hurt, she also knew her life pattern was fixed. Ma had chided her lightly for being so immersed in work. But Janki had reacted, “Ma, I don’t want this to have happened; your getting annoyed is not making it any easy, my work has consumed my life, I am almost on auto pilot, what should I do, quit?” Today, she visited Raghu and was embarrassed to see herself fret as her schedules fell like dominoes, as a result.  She was telling Ahmedbhai every 10 minutes, jaldi chalte hain, ok? Jaldi wapas aanaa hai, do meeting hain, Ma ka programme hai nau baje, record karna hai... and she was taking calls on the drive, so people wouldn’t get nose out of joint! At work, she was forever caught between the US and the UK, both being different in attitude and organisational needs. At one level, it could be because UK was head office and dominating came naturally to them therefore. But Janki also felt it was because culturally they were very conscious of personal time and therefore unwilling to bend their norms. Her team in India argued that only Indians were happy being transferred left, right and centre. As Abhilash Kannuga, the HR head for the western region, said, “ This is why Indians are so versatile and capable, adaptable, agile, and very easy to accept challenges. In the UK very few have lived and worked outside home country and are perhaps not as culturally diverse or malleable!” But what made being global director worse, was the need to be inclusive, which meant: being available round the clock or late evening India time. And on such days, she ended up being up till early morning. Some days things drained her, some days she felt gung-ho. Teffer was very supportive. Janki’s boss allowed her all the flexibility she needed, saying ‘do what it takes’,  but it was easily said than done. Because Asia Pacific was equally important and it had five distinct countries with very distinct cultural needs, which also determined their product mix. So, when she got out of the West, she fell straight into the Eastern time zone; then, when does Janki get thinking time? Her role was also about thought leadership and influence — that meant reading a lot, talking a lot, getting information, and of course answering a barrage of e-mails. How often she would be talking to a team at 2 in the morning and saying, “I will send the stuff to you in the morning,” and she would be crawling into bed at 4 a.m. after a marathon with Australia, promising to remember the promise made, only to wake up at 6 and be buried under another frantic 100 mails. Talking of broken promises, a few days ago Peter Fowler (Succession Academy in Singapore) had called, wanting two 90-minute slots with  her. Just as she agreed to 4-5.30 with Peter, for a different day, and sent off the confirmation e-mail with Mercy in the CC, in flew Mercy. Mercy: Oh, Janki! Not that time slot! You have a dentist appointment that day, and we have rescheduled this at least four times, Jan! Janki: Oh, heck. Let us postpone it. Mercy: No Jan, don’t do that! And after that you also have to go to the prayer meeting at 8 p.m. (referring to Music Maami’s prayer meeting, which she ended up forgetting). Janki stared at all the dates that stared back at her. Blinking within each were a zillion time slots cramped with another zillion tasks to be accomplished. She got the feeling her life was unusual. Maybe abnormal too. Some day she must poke her head out the window and see what other lives were like. ... Mercy: Janki, take 3-4.30 IST and meet the dentist at 5.30. Janki: Oh, but you forget there is this Beijing briefing happening at 3 ... how are we to fit all this? Move the dentist appointment ahead, na? Ask Dr Mistry if he will see me at 6.30 p.m.? Mercy: Ok, I will try but let me also keep a plan B. If he says he is occupied at 6.30, then when? dr mistry said 7 p.m., adding, “I hope you have some teeth left for me to work with by then!” Janki cursed him (he was an old friend too) and turned to Mercy, “Ok, 7 p.m.” But Mercy flipped the page right before Janki and tapping the diary (knowing the doctor was on the line), she whispered: 7 p.m. you have a catch up team session. What about that? Shall I cancel it?” And that was how both of them lost sight of the prayer meeting. Janki was devastated. Uncovering the mouthpiece she said, “Pervez, if 7 is good, can 8 p.m. also be good?” But Mercy was already shaking her head briskly to say ‘That won’t work!’ but Dr Mistry was talking ...”You are lucky I am in the same building. Those teeth need care, Janki, what is wrong with you corporate sorts? We have rescheduled you so many times. Please find a convenient slot and call me, I have a patient on the chair,” he said and hung up. But despite all the breakdowns and chaos, it seemed as if what kept her from crumbling was more work. But it also kept her from doing all those things that were necessary on her personal front. Meanwhile elsewhere in the world an unexpected glitch happened. A tech filter in the system resulted in a leadership course invitation going to grade 3 managers as well so that enrolments began to pour in and Janki woke up the next morning to a barrage of 20 e-mails asking her to sort it out before it got out of hand. The whole day was spent sorting this out including answering many angry line managers who were completely bereft of script when their grade 3s announced they were off on a leadership programme. When she got home, it was 8.40 p.m. She was so relieved that the day was over and she has no US call today. As she let herself in, she saw her mother sitting at the head of the table the way she did, solving her Sudoku. The light on in the dining room meant she had not eaten her dinner. Janki was angry. “You know you are not supposed to delay your dinner beyond 6.45 or 7 and I have told you that if I am reaching home by 7, I will call you. So, why did you wait? Mother: But you didn’t call. Janki: Ma! I didn’t call you, but you could see that 7 o’clock came and 7 o’clock was going. You could have started eating! Mother: No, but you always call me and you didn’t call me. Janki was despairing. If Mom did not eat in time, her gastric problem would act up, then her hypertension too could, and then, she would have to take her to the doctor. And all this could well happen at 12 in the night. Ma was getting very old she felt. She really, really wished Ma would not lose her wisdom in this manner. Suddenly, her eyes filled over and she was crying. Was she not seeing her mother growing older everyday? Both of them had been comforting each other since her father died many years ago... <img alt="" src="http://bw-image.s3.amazonaws.com/case-study-main2_mrg-mdm.jpg" style="width: 200px; height: 200px; float: right; margin: 4px;">Just then her phone beeped an incoming message. It was Hector Norkay from the New Jersey office. “Need to talk to you, will call 10 p.m. IST.” Janki decided not to reply as she was now feeling bad for Mum and sniffing too. Hector was the HRD for one of the businesses and she knew he was grappling with a legal situation on hand. There had been some audit, which team was now saying that as part of your process, you said these people will be trained in security and safety. And I know that you were to do this. But we have found that this never happened. And I have no idea why that programme did not happen. Janki recalled having done all that was needed for the programme and asked them if they were good to go with it and they had mumbled something and she knew they would run with that plan. It was now a crisis and she had to deal with it. Or did she? It bothered her that local teams threw up their hands sometimes rather easily. And did he need to call her? Would not an e-mail been enough? And he had the gall to say he would call at 10 p.m. IST. Teffer was very process driven and there was as an internal audit process around how you are building internal capability. This was part of their performance efficiency audit. Hector had told her yesterday, “Many sessions have not happened despite our committing to it. Against 12, only seven have been done. How do I explain why the remaining is not done yet?” Seeing the message, Janki called up the US and as Hector complained it was too inconvenient for him to take the call, she said, “It will be more inconvenient for me to have an argument with you at my 10 p.m. because my mother is not doing too well. So, I thought I would tell you that the agreement we had between us was this: I would do a handful of sessions —and I did seven, not just a handful. You guys were supposed to run the rest. Why are you now asking me?” A semi-heated discussion broke out. Just then Janki felt she heard her mother groan. Stepping out of her room she went towards mom’s room, pushed the door open and saw her doubled up, holding her chest as she normally did when she had a gastric chest pain. Janki thought, if I hang up now, this guy is going to think I am rude. And it was an important call. Janki was also annoyed with her mother. “She does these things for no reason! This is a critical call, now let her deal with it... I will keep an eye on her and ...ok, let me get her a Pudin Hara...” And as she handled the chest of drawers and dug out the medicine tin box, the lid fell and made a horrific sound. Hector from the other side, already irritated, said, “Why is there so much noise?” Within minutes the watchman was at the door saying, “Woh neechey wale madam keh rehe hain ki awaaz aa raha ahi...”(the lady in the flat below is complaining that your home is noisy.) And Hector was saying, “What’s going on, Jan? We can’t seem to have a conversation in peace!” Janki: At 9.30 p.m. in the night, peace is what I want. So, I suggest you call me at 11 a.m. tomorrow, when I am awake and bright. I have had a very tough day. Hector: Who doesn’t have a tough day? bidding him a Good Night, Janki went to her mother’s room. She had skipped dinner and was eating Threptin biscuits. Janki refused to take note. But she sat by her side and began talking about their holiday next week. As things warmed between them, Mother said, “Bhairavi is getting married in Chennai. I want to attend that wedding.” After a round of  ‘Who is Bhairavi’, Janki said, “Ma, you have not met them in years!’ But mom suddenly chose to wear her halo and said, ‘But I have to represent Daddy.’ Janki: Daddy? Ma, dad left 25 years ago. It is not making sense. Ma: You have hurt my feelings by being rude. Janki sighed and said, “Sorry, Ma. Ok, we will go. In that case let’s do this, we will leave for our holiday out of Chennai. And she put that into her phone reminder for 8 a.m. next day. The next morning she called Sumati in Chennai and asked her to book two tickets to Chennai-Jaipur on x date. The next five days were a blur of workshops and ‘Meeting my Boss’. This was the funniest because somewhere through all the communication that flew at her was this one that told her she needed to meet her new boss. Ava Norman, the boss was new to the system and she was doing her orientation conferences. Even if Janki only had to meet her virtually, she could not see one sensible gap in her diary. This was overwhelming. Mercy had been yo-yo-ing between Norman’s office in Manila and Janki’s diary for a ‘Get-to-know-you’  video-call. “ I can’t just do this blind,” said Janki, “ I have to prepare for my getting-to-know-you session; I have to think through what I want to tell her. What I think she needs to know about my priorities, needs, focus points; I have had no time to work on this or plan this!” Rushing as she was between events, Mercy told her there were two days left to leave on her holiday to Jaipur and would she like to set up her call while on vacation as Norman’s would be the only ‘work-related’ call? Janki was delighted silly. “But of course! What a grand idea! Please let Norman’s office know ASAP I am embarrassed that I have not been able to meet my own boss!” One day to go and Janki was already feeling good. She popped into Mother’s room when she got back from work, and saw that mother had been packing and almost everything she owned was strewn on the bed. Janki saw a set of three Kanjeevaram sarees waiting to be packed. “Ma, Kanjeevaram sarees to Jaipur?” Ma said, “We have Bhairavi’s wedding...no? Now, you please give me the Mumbai-Chennai tickets, I have taken out the new handbag and I am going to carry the tickets and do the boarding pass and all that myself.” Bombay Chennai? Janki’s heart sank. What Bombay-Chennai? Good Lord... She had not booked it! She had done Chennai-Jaipur  through Sumati, she had cancelled Mumbai-Jaipur... but “.... oh, no!” Rushing to her room, she put the “I am on a call” placard on her table so that Ma may not rush in with a bowl of something, and chased every travel agent on her iPad to find tickets for Chennai. Every site returned her a regret. No tickets. It was the wedding season.  Janki got on the phone to Mercy: “I have goofed so badly. Please call the head of MakeMyTrip and tell him it is me, that I need two tickets Mumbai-Chennai for day after... for any price, Mercy!   casestudymeera@gmail.com (This story was published in BW | Businessworld Issue Dated 10-08-2015)