Ashok Shukla had felt the silence almost tangibly after the eight women had left his office, last week. What a bouquet of emotions and thoughts, he mused. To Renee he had once said, “Choose your fights. Don’t go headlong into every situation and come out with a bloody nose. There is no need for that!” That was 12 years ago. But today as he heard the women, it struck him their world had changed significantly. They were battling and struggling with a lot in a harsh and crass world. Except he was not sure how many of those they needed to grapple with.
The lady managers at Teffer, at least some of them, had come to him last week requesting a way to stop the rampant use of abusive language during work at Teffer. Not just the men, but some women too had begun to participate in the melee, and now it had become an enjoyable new lingo. They told him that they were not moralising, but wished for a workplace that was a workplace.
Ashok Shukla then decided he must have a meeting with some of the men and women and first chat with them all before he could talk rules and rights. Yeah, he knew people abused. He had older children and they often bit their tongue and slunk out of the room in a comic hurry when they had had a slanging match over some silly thing. But beyond that he had never given it a thought. Obviously, it was leading into a habit in older age.... Today there were Teffer boys and girls and he knew the words they used were concern-causing.
Here, he had barely entered the meeting room and he saw them at each other with loud arguments. Shukla had urged some of the ladies to be present, as well as 12 other middle and senior managers. Rupen Khanna was saying to Harit, “ You may be using the words to emphasise an expression, but you could be speaking in the presence of people who feel extremely offended, just as for you it is fun,....”
Harit: I disagree. Does that mean people who don’t swear or people who feel offended by swear words are not mean or angry or aggressive?
Shukla deftly picked this up and staged his entry into the argument as well as took charge of the ‘show’ which was his by right!
Shukla: Let me decode that, Harit. The expectation from an office environment, from a workplace is that it be professional. The use of words such as the ones we are alluding to, are taking away that feel, that elegance. There may be some who disregard bad language. There may be some who enjoy it. There may also be some, as it happens, who dislike the use of bad language and even find it offensive. But a workplace is a workplace...
Amit Shankar (Head of IT): I think we are monitoring a bit too much. People who swear are people who swear. I find the preachers of good painfully insufferable, this is my religion... so now? We are adults, damn it, what is all this!
Shukla: Ok, guys, why is it so important to use abusive language so that you feel your powers are being taken away when you are being dissuaded from using bad language?
Atul Rajput (head, Production): Maybe you are! (laughing)
Shukla: I am serious, Atul. What causes men to power their talk with abusive language?
Atul: Ok, serious it is then. Hence, not just men, I’ve heard women use as much abusive language in office as men. The times I’ve heard men use it perhaps outnumbers the times I’ve heard women use it. There could be a reasonable statistical pointer for this: the incidents are in near proportion to the men-women ratio in an office.
Shukla (interrupting him to pick the thread): Ok, so women abuse too. What kind of women?
Tapas Das (Finance): Your kind, I mean, an experienced HR lady — she uses language that makes me cringe. And I have realised that it is not the breeding. It is a something else. She does that even in non-office situations. Her use of abusive language has nothing to do with the setting — it has more to do with the way she is. She talks the same way over dinner with a glass of wine in her hand.
Atul: Ok, let me lay it out for you: Why men use abusive language in office, could be the exact same reason that women use it: it is a language they are comfortable with, they find they can express themselves faster and more accurately using the words they do, they don’t think it is offensive, they don’t intend to be offensive, they believe others will understand this and come to the conclusion that no harm was meant.
Some men are in fact genuinely abusive — it could be their upbringing; their nature; their circumstances; the environment and the industry they work in (for example, it is easier to be abusive when dealing with people who steal onions from gunny sacks in a warehouse); or simply, maybe the other person deserves it!
Shukla: I am imagining that a workplace has a significantly different environment than a warehouse and is made up of people whose education gives them better expression. One lady has pointed out that she was at a distributor with her sales head - and the distributor was using most colourful language; the sales head, she says, was laughing and that made her feel miserable. Being mere audience and participating in it, does also render you culpable. Why laugh and enjoy a process that you did not initiate or cause?
Atul: Women are not alone in this. Men too hate abusive language — it is just that they tend to overlook it more easily than women. My guess is that there are differences between men and women. This is one of them, how they deal with abusive language.
Tanisha Hassan (R&D assistant): Oh yes there is a difference. Women feel assaulted by words that describe an assault on women. Because it says angrily I will do this to your women. And when you hear your colleagues who you trust and have faith in for work, it is very disturbing. Your faith is contradicted. Maybe you have to be a woman to feel this assault.
Atul: Sorry, you may be right. We men are used to rough language... it is part of the caves we come from.
Tanisha: Maybe that is because being man is about brawn. Women are nurturers and nurturers don’t hurt or like being hurt. Maybe that is why.
Sanjay Oomen: Then, why do women want to be in a man’s world? If that is what you want, then you take them all, as they come. You can’t crib.
Damayanti: There you are! Primitive, feudal and patriarchal.
Atul: Sorry, Sanjay, it isn’t a man’s world. It isn’t a woman’s world either. This world belongs to men, women, children, animals, birds, and trees. No one can lay claim on this planet.
Shukla: The question is: In an office environment where there are women who dislike an abusive environment, can we have rules of language?
Atul: Yes, we can and we should. These need not be only for women who dislike abusive environments. Men can demand it too.
Rules are the starting point for shaping the world the way we envision it at a given point in time. Rules help us define what we see the world to be; rules are the first step to make that vision a reality. Once rules become part of the way we live — and part of our culture — we won’t need them. They just become natural ways to live.
Shukla: Ok, Randeep, you have been nodding agreeably tell us, what is the feeling that men experience when they use abusive language? And swear words.
Randeep Diwakar (Legal): Men must feel powerful or a spirit of ‘camaraderie’, that we are among friends, and I can abuse and be myself.
Kosha: Men feel flustered and then relieved. They often even use it knowingly and then apologise for their ‘colourful’ language to their female colleagues as if other men around the table “understand” and don’t mind a bit!
Shukla: And you, Kannagi, what is your take? Many women have also begun to use abusive language, including what are called swear words. Many are also very comfortable using provocative language where there may not be abusive language but definitely use of innuendos. I am looking at mixed groups where women shoot off provocative expressions that involve subtle references to body parts and perceptions of body parts — male and female. This happens in amidst work. I ask you, what do men in general feel? Ok, Randeep, you first.
Randeep: Threatened? Just as much as abusive men bring about aggression, they are also judgemental about how ‘aggressive ‘ the ‘abusive’ woman must be; so they likely think, ‘may be she is a cut throat type ...?’
Shukla: Interesting. And why do you think this trend is gaining?
Randeep: Media makes it look cool, in order to show a diverse workspace, women are projected to sound like men, look like men. Hence the suits. All messages coming through say it’s not too bad, its acceptable, it hip and most of all, cultures are more forgiving now. Movies with more cuss words make it to the Rs 100-crore club. Then Western movies have such a generous garnish of cuss words, and here everyone wants to sound like they are in the movies, so ....It will be valuable to know what women in general feel using abuse or provocative language...
Kannagi: Those women feel at par, unthreatened, like power players, ‘deal with it’ types — I am who I am, ‘sorry buddy, for you are being a wuss’ like that. I don’t know why this has come up now. Cussing is the way people here speak, Ashok. Yes, if you have a trained ear, which we all do by now, we know when a cuss is in anger and when an endearment. It is very happening to fashion yourself around a Type A personality. It seems to go down better with beer at lunch. And a lot of our women want that macho feel, to be seen and known as powerful and do it too. In fact, my best friend at work feels nothing expresses an emotion as well as a cuss does.
Atul really laughed this time. “Ashok, this is our new reality, face it. Abuse is the new slang.”
Gaurav Sen, a VP in marketing entered the fray with a mild laugh. He said, “Let me say something to help you feel less bullied, Ashok. Abusing is now an art form. In my first job at a paint company, I was exposed to the world of paint, painting and painters. Words and language culture changed as the professional relationship between the painter and his circle changed. With fellow painters, generously peppered swear words, was natural. When it came to the painting contractor, it was the painting contractor who liberally used them. And I wondered why?
“The tone, manner and context provided an excellent guide. When the contractor got angry, wanted deadlines met, or wanted to underscore his financial authority, he used abusive words over them. The otherwise ‘abusive-with-other-painters’ painters now dropped the abuses completely. To the contractor, their words were deferential. Tu became aap, abbey became ji, and so on. So,what can be colloquial banter among equals, becomes tools in the mouths of the powerful to demonstrate, reinforce hierarchy. The painters accepted the abuses as part of the linguistic culture of the superiors.
“So, Ashok, wherever you find the hierarchy of semi educated labor-contractor-client supervisor-manager relationship you will find the use of abusive language. At the core of it, there is very little dignity given to labour. So, you will see this in contract labour, transportation, docks, coal mines, etc.
“The same people when confronted with government or police officials or politicians, will use the most chaste language. So, this is the paradox of genuflection to power and abuse to exploit. I guess male to male protocol allows use of swear words to drive home a point; but you cannot do likewise with women. However, with more women in the workforce these days, language has to change. Abusive words would be wrong.
Amit Shankar: Not sure. In IT sectors, which is dominated by younger people, their everyday lingo is different, irrespective of male or female. So, in times of emotional stress you will frequently hear ‘what the eff is going on’? or ‘Where the eff is the report’? There is no intention to abuse here. It’s just become an everyday parlance, lending itself as nicely as a verb as an adjective! And when everyone is mouthing it, you do it too! It is however the tone, manner and context that create the problems. Along with who is saying it. My colleague Vishwa, who you know, has a wild temper and peppers his delivery with expletives. He was much loved and everybody just knew that was him. However when his subordinate joined the chorus, we had a disaster! It’s a dangerous game.
Shukla: Yeah, so, I have heard all the justifications. As long as it was perceived as a man’s world, we all went about being beasts. Now we have discovered there are women too and this world belongs to more than men. So, while some of you do feel competitive pressure compels you to abuse, sadly it won’t work anymore.
A number of the audience made sounds of protest as he went on, “So here is the deal; no swearing on duty. It will go against you in your appraisal. We need to back the women who today are under a lot of threat and one way to record that solidarity is through use of genteel language. we speak, so we think, so we act, so we are... yea? For too long we have done as we pleased which was fine. But somehow that sent out a message to lesser men that it was licence to assault women. By our thought and word we will now make that difference which the country needs.... Yes?”
Ten seconds of silence later, the men thumped the table with, “Yesssss”!
Shukla looked at them; he hoped they would stick to it.
(This story was published in BW | Businessworld Issue Dated 04-05-2015)
