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Analysis: The Victim Syndrome

BW Online Bureau Nov 08, 2014

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><root available-locales="en_US," default-locale="en_US"><static-content language-id="en_US"><![CDATA[The dialogue between Anirbaan Chowdary and Raghav Kashyap is a classic conflict between the head and the heart, leave alone between two separate individuals. Although Raghav comes across as a happy-go-lucky guy, in reality, he is pretty down to earth in his view of the world. Anirbaan's script about how a life should be lived becomes very pronounced when he responds sarcastically to Raghav's words of encouragement to enjoy the life as it comes and make the most of it, saying, "That is a fairy tale, please!" And Anirbaan is not alone. In my experience of coaching and mentoring, I come across many ‘successful' managers with notions of success and arrival as seen by the external world — titles, perquisites, possessions and visibility in ‘success circuits'. A single slip from the desired trajectory is regarded as dashed dreams. Look at the animal kingdom — there are all kinds of creatures. If animals start to wonder what made their creator discriminate, they cannot be as joyful as they are. I wonder if it is sometimes helpful if we do not think too much and too deep. Anirbaan's perspectives are coloured by his deep sense of emotional drain caused by what happened to him when he exposed his corrupt boss. For someone who is so well-qualified and had a successful run for a few decades, sudden turn of events and loss of job can bring down the heavens. The IT industry with its frequent ups and downs in recent decades has meant a roller coaster-ride for many otherwise accomplished professionals. Adding insult to injury was when some CEOs of the companies claimed that they were only letting go of non-performers. Do we realise that corporations are full of rat races and the problem with participating in them is that "even if you win the race, you are still a rat"! Those who never looked back have become entrepreneurs themselves! That Anirbaan is fixated with his definition of success is evident when he said to Raghav: "So I must tell my children the same thing, isn't it? Take what comes; do what is possible, hanh?" In reality, Raghav was not advocating this mindset of resignation; he was more pragmatic than philosophical; more realistic than rhetorical; calmer than confused; and more passionate than pretentious. Engulfed by emotions and stereotypical views of career and success, Anirbaan kept playing his ‘violin' of what success means and constitutes! Anirbaan also said: "Yet you studied economics! It can't even cut hair!" The objective at a subconscious level seems to be, "Look how I am cornering you with your own admission of why your theory does not work." But Raghav takes it in his stride when he responds with poise: "I came to peace with the idea I would not be an economist." This reminds me of a conversation Semco Corporation's Ricardo Semler (the maverick company run very well in Brazil) is said to have had with the students of Stanford Business School. He reportedly posed an innocent question: "How far can we go into the forest?" After all the smart answers that came from his audience, he let the cat out of the bag saying, "All your answers are right, but not accurate." He went on to explain that one can only go into the forest up to the middle of it, for beyond the midpoint, one is actually beginning to leave the forest, not going deeper!" Loaded with wisdom, this is true of most careers: there comes a time that no matter how talented we are and how ambitious we tend to be, it is important to accept reality as it is and come to terms with it. Anirbaan finds it difficult to understand the profound observation that Raghav makes when he says, "I studied one thing, didn't know what to do with it, found myself working at something totally out of the box… I was a victim of luck. Pure luck." Instead of appreciating the message that success follows those who chase their passion, Anirbaan undermines it by asking sarcastically, "Is that how you summarise your work, your success?" One can clearly see the limitations of the mindset that Anirbaan comes to characterise and the mindset of opportunities that Raghav comes to epitomise. Anirbaan is a classic example of what executive coaches call ‘victim syndrome'. What would help him is to reflect on the equation between success and happiness, and pursue ‘his second career' — be it in finance or anything else, where he may discover his ‘hungry spirit'. But even for those with a stereotypical understanding and interpretation of success, what Peter Drucker remarked may help: "Success is not scoring 100 in every match you play, but is more a constant effort to improve your batting average." Anirbaan needs help from a coach to get in touch with his unexamined assumptions and how they hurt him; more importantly to get in touch with his resources and build a successful career all over again. C. Mahalingam is executive vicepresident and chief people officer with Symphony Services (This story was published in Businessworld Issue Dated 05-12-2011)