<p><em>Pay attention to our own needs and don’t keep putting them on the back burner, writes <strong>Kaushik Gopal</strong></em><br><br>The sheryl sandberg quote brought back the memory of how her husband, Dave Goldberg, died recently after collapsing on a treadmill. Ms Sandberg said, in an interview, how the secret to being able to manage all the pressures from work and the needs of family life was to equally divide the requirements of home, between the couple. And then, he just died. Time refuses to stand still. Sooner or later, you have to deal with change.<br><br>I found my own attention racing rapidly as though on ‘speed’. When that happens you know you have to slow down quickly. Most of us need ‘processing time’ to absorb and digest, very much like one of the groups Janki was training in New Zealand, when they requested for more time in the session to absorb and process.</p><table align="right" border="1" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="1" style="width: 200px;"><tbody><tr><td><img alt="" src="http://bw-image.s3.amazonaws.com/Kaushik-Gopal_SBD-mdm.jpg" style="width: 200px; height: 200px; float: right; margin: 4px;"></td></tr><tr><td><em><strong>Kaushik Gopal</strong></em></td></tr></tbody></table><p>Clearly, there is a huge impact on our personal relationships — family and friends. We begin to be helplessly ‘enslaved’ by calendars and to-dos, leaving precious little time for those that matter. Janki’s diary appointments force attention in multiple directions, across several time zones and cultural-political nuances. And inadequate infrastructure or endemic traffic snarls, only add to the chronic shortening of time.<br><br>A global role that requires interfaces with others across time zones could invade our lives like some vicious virus that leaves one depleted and spent if not carefully managed. The absence of rest leads quickly to burnout and the inability to manage one’s inner ‘attentional space’. There are western colleagues who are sensitive to this and manage to share the ‘burden’ of taking late night calls. Not everyone thinks this way, though.<br><br><strong>Consequence: </strong>The danger of imminent personal burnout and severe damage to family and other relationships. Janki feels progressively more worn-out and her family (mother) neglected. The fact is this punishing pace of work is unlikely to change. There are very good reasons for organisations to look into this silent epidemic that destroys relationships and takes a huge toll on personal life. Of course, it is also the responsibility of each of us to pay attention to this tornado of expectations and to find ways of slowing it down. Those responsible for attending to the human resource could soon be forced to look at the hidden costs of this phenomena. Not paying attention will only compound the problem and result in a continuing loss of valuable people.<br><br>What can we do? First, become aware of what is happening. Awareness brings with it the need to drive change. Second, relook one’s role and what it is that one is aiming to achieve. Often times, we may not have the requisite resources to carry out all that is part of one’s role and hence may need to request for resources or appropriately queue things to be able to do justice to them. Sure, resources are always in short supply, but we do need to be realistic unless there is a life and death situation.<br><br>Teams need to have frank discussions on ways of approaching this quantum of work. We need to move our teams to be adequately prepared and to pay attention to the state of its members and find ways of supporting each other in such challenging environments. The stage needs to be set for frank discussions between colleagues such that it is not taken in unintended ways.<br><br>Pay attention to our own needs and don’t keep putting them on the back burner: if people in the West can protect their personal time, why aren’t we able to? The continuous sacrificing of one’s own time leads to a progressive erosion of one’s relationships as well as the minds we carry around with us.<br><br>Organisations and team leaders too need to be mindful of the pressures on its constituents and the consequences they are likely to have. They need to start exploring internal support systems that can assuage impending burnouts. Stress and its consequences cannot be dealt with purely from a personal point of view. It is necessary to have a multi-pronged approach. For one thing, organisations can start paying attention to the 50 hours-plus work weeks and invite personnel to explore ways to be able to deal with it.<br><br>While the building of resilience in the face of work pressures is a productive thing, we must be sharply aware that the critical relationships around us need attention and sustenance, which, in turn, becomes the source of our very own overall wellbeing. <br><br><em>The writer is based in Singapore and looks after the coaching practice for the Center for Creative Leadership in the Asia Pac region</em> <br><br>(This story was published in BW | Businessworld Issue Dated 10-08-2015)</p>
