<!--?xml version='1.0' encoding='UTF-8'?--><div><root><static-content><div><root><static-content><!--[CDATA[<div-->All societies are discriminatory. All societies are constituted of people who have access to resources and those who do not.<br /><br />The former work as gatekeepers so that the resource-less remain so. ‘People with resources’ are able to exclude the resource-less by ensuring that they do not have the opportunity to make decisions in an informed manner. So, when ‘the person without resources’ makes choices about his life, he feels that he doesn’t have much option and as if he does not have a right at all to make the choice.<br /> <br />This sets the scene for repetitive exclusion and exploitation. Some people survive this cycle and are included in the inner circle of those with resources. Most do not. Everyone, however, aspires to be in the inner circle.<br /><br />Raghav was denied access to information, which could have enabled making decisions that were appropriate for him. Reason: those at the finance company Ambara want to use him as a customer but not value him as one. They have not respected him as an individual to whom they owe their profits and being in business. Their business model is engineered to ensure their customer’s (Raghav) effort to succeed and to own an asset fails. They have done so by creating a hierarchy where the seller is a part of the inner circle and is very reluctantly opening the door for the buyer to the opportunity but at the same time making it seem he has no right to aspire for the opportunity. This cycle of discrimination, exclusion and exploitation will continue for a long time and people like Raghav will continue to be excluded and treated with circumspect dignity. <br /><br />So, how should Raghav respond to such an assault? He needs to know his rights.<br /><br />Raghav, we act in an unassertive manner because we have learnt through our experience to behave so. As we grow, we learn through interactions that “You do not count”, or, ”To matter and exist, I need to be nice to everyone”. <br /><br />You need to learn to focus on your rights as a person, instead of focusing on being nice. You have the following rights:<ul><li>The right to information regarding issues that affect you</li><li>The right to say ‘no’</li><li>The right to have feelings and express them</li><li>The right to change your mind.</li></ul><div>We all have to create a balance between others and ourselves. When it comes to rights, we are all as important as others. So, it is alright to expect fairness.<br /><br />You are important. To feel this, do these three exercises:<br /> <br />Make a list of your abilities and carry it with you. Add to the list every day — a skill that you have, an achievement you are proud of, or an aspect of your personality that you feel good about. Remember how hard it was for you to achieve what you have. Give yourself credit for it. <br /><br />For a week, note in a diary only positive things about yourself, your achievements and struggles; document when your needs are being overlooked. But balance your needs with the realisation that other people have needs as well. Try not to force onto them what you do not want for yourself.<br /> <br />Listen to others. It will make them feel that you are not dismissive of them. Summarise what they have said and thank them for their help. Reflect on what they have said. You do not have to take a decision right then. Take time if you need it. <br /><br />Be brief, clear and to the point. Avoid unnecessary padding, keep your words simple, especially when talking to people trying to convince you unreasonably, manipulate you or coerce you.<br /><br />There are certain ‘don’ts’ as well to keep in mind: When you say ‘no’, don’t be sarcastic. Don’t be boastful. You are not rejecting the person, so you need not apologise.<br /> <br />Take care! <br /><em><br />The author is a consultant psychiatrist and psychotherapist. He is director, division of mental health and quality of life, Medanta The Medicity, Gurgaon; and chairperson of NGO Saarthak</em><br /><br />(This story was published in BW | Businessworld Issue Dated 08-04-2013)</div> </div> </div>
